So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
