I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
BRING THE BAGELS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
