My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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