he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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