I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont even know how to be here
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
