can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
