It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
