I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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