My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
