can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
