Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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