Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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