Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
