dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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