And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my liver is dry heaving
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
