I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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