I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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