You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
