sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
