Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I color on your dick again?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
