WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
