I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
