I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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