i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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