I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
