I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
