I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
