If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
