i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
