if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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