So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
