You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
