hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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