so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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