Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
