Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
