I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
