I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize