Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
