took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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