The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
