At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize