she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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