There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
