there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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