do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
