Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
