I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
