you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
