Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
