please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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