I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize