I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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