i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
