we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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