I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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