It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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