You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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