Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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