Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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