Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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