I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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