I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
