she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Congratulations! We have a period
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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