In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
