Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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