Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
