Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize