So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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