I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
