don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
