i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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