I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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