it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
