How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
