i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
