Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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