U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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