I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
