It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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