I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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