That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize