That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
