hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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