I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
