apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
