I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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