He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
