They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
