I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
