last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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