can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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