My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
