this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
