If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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