Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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