I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
